Newspaper Headlines, 30 August 2050

Some blame all those preservatives 

in Big Macs.

Looking Back, Looking Forward

According to a recent poll, 19% of Americans say the 

Capitol Hill Insurrection "was an unfortunate event

 but in the past."  It's like death, except death "is an 

unfortunate event but in the future."

We're accustomed to things that 'loom large'.  

Do these things ever 'loom small'?

If you had your picture taken with the Trump statue at CPAC, 

you can look ahead to America looking ahead.

Scout of the Future

Take No Thought for the Morrow

Elon Musk's Hyperloop Makes Headway

With the new Amazon PrimeNow delivery option, your 

merchandise arrives two days before you order it.

News of the Weird,

Clairvoyant Edition

When you visit Trump World, be sure to check out

Tomorrowland.

"The politics of self-deportation are 

behind us," Senator Graham said.

"The politics of self-teleportation are

ahead of us," he added.

"Of course, predictions are hard, especially 

about the future."

"Yes, I'm Dan Senor, and my future is so

dim I'm going to need a torch to find my

asscrack for the foreseeable future."

Last Surviving Member of the Republican Party

Election Day, 2112

"In short, there is a fear of the future, 

and when you begin to try to disaggregate 

what's causing that you come up with 

probably 40 percent of it is the fact that

 the economy is sagging and the other 60% 

is because you are old and ugly like me."

Futurologists are now predicting that in 100 years,

we'll all be communicating telepathically.  Uh-oh.

Here we have a picture of a prehistoric fossilized raptor

egg nest. This generation of raptors obviously didn't

 have a future so bright it had to wear shades.

The worst prediction of 2011 is that the worst predictions of

 2012 will be better than the worst predictions of 2011.