"Got a minute?  I'd like to explain my alternative to

Obamacare.  It's called the 'Gollum Option'."

"I'm John C. Calhoun, and I would like to

join Phil Gramm in endorsing Rick Perry

as the next President of the United States.

I've been dead, of course, since 1850,

but I'm still not as dead as Phil Gramm."

When he spoke about 'mental recession' last

summer, Phil Gramm must have had Charles

Krauthammer in mind.

If there was ever a deserving candidate for an extreme

makeover, it would be Senator Ken Salazar of Colorado.

His head is too big for his body, his hat is too big for his

head, and he looks more like Phil Gramm than

Phil Gramm.

"So what if my chief economic adviser is a flim-flam man?

So what if he was the co-author of the legislation that got

us into this mess? So what if he's both an executive and a

lobbyist for a foreign bank? So what if he's trying to cut his

bank in on the $1 trillion government bailout? You want

to make something out of it, PUNK!"

"Greetings, fellow revolutionaries! Thanks to Comrades Gramm,

Bush, and McCain, everything is going according to plan. Like

Comrade Lenin says, 'We will not have to attack the United

States. It will fall into our hands like an overripe fruit'."

"Would it be accurate to say, Senator McCain, that you waited

until now to throw the co-chair of your campaign under the bus

because there were too many of your former advisers already

under there?"

"Senator McCain, you've said that you love Phil Gramm dearly and

that you respect no one more in America on the issue of economics

than you do him. Now that you've decided Mr. Gramm won't be

advising you in the future, is it because you don't feel worthy enough

to have him kiss your ass anymore?"

Four Clues to the Etiology of Whining

Rude Rhymes #5

Picnic Ham

Phil Gramm

"Who is this douchebag on my right? He knows less

about politics than I know about economics!"

"If you listen to our leaders, we can't compete against Mexico,

for God's sake! If they don't think we can compete against the

little brown ones, who can we compete against?"

"I sure hope you don't grow up to be a whiner like your daddy."

Two Signs We're In a Mental Recession

Surgery to separate these conjoined twins is too risky,

doctors say. "We really can't tell where Phil Gramm

ends and John McCain begins," one surgeon explained.

Horses come in all sizes.

So do horses' asses.