Where is Melvin of the Apes when

we need him?

King Kong Makes Guest Appearance at UN;

Thumps Chest, Disses Tarzan

"Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh-elyah-aaaaahhhhhh-elyah-aaaahhhh!" 

Tarzan and Jane couldn't believe their eyes, but, just as

 had been prophesied, Cheetah had arisen from the dead.

 God, apparently, had at least one more sequel in mind.

"As I go under the knife, I want all my primate

friends---especially Cheetah, Bonzo, and J.

Fred Muggs---to remember me."

Cheetah Goes Out in Style

Cheetah is dead at 80, but

the Smirking Chimp lives on.

"Ooo, ooo, ooo, so Pete loved Sir Allen the Ponzi Schemer,

eh? Sounds to me like he's another Cheetah!"

When he stands next to Bo Derek, Representative Ted
Poe (R-TX) imagines he's Tarzan and she thinks he's
Cheeta.

"Johnnyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! Weissmullerrrrrrrrrrrr!!!"

Capitalizing on her experience as Jane Parker

in Tarzan, the Ape Man, Bo Derek has agreed

to serve as special envoy to the Secretary of

State for Wildlife Trafficking Issues. Bo's fans

were disappointed, however, when they learned

she will play her new role fully clothed.