Lindsey Graham's foes, some say,

hate more than his guts.  They

hate his entire body, as well as

his mind and whiny little voice.

First, you must speak very rapidly in a 

whiny, high-pitched voice.

"Gruesome, isn't it?"

Mike Pence Sez:  "Trump's thundering voice probably 

diminished the enthusiasm of people south of the border."

When he testifies next week, Jared Kushner will be using a 

Roland VT-3 Vocoder to make his testimony sound more like 

it's coming from a grown man, instead of a prepubescent boy.

If Jared Kushner Looked Like His Voice Sounds

"Trump doesn't have to give a gag order to make me gag. 

I gag reflexively at the sound of his voice and the look on 

his face."

Not until you scrape your fingernails across a blackboard

do you get the sound of Sarah Palin's voice just right.

"I like to make stuff up in two ways: firstly in my normal 

voice and then in a kind of silly high-pitched whine."

The only ways Obama could 'reach out to angry whites' 

would be to either a) become a billionaire neurosurgeon 

with a whiny voice or b) self-deport to another galaxy.

Michigan Governor Rick Snyder Gets Voice 

Transplant from Rocky the Flying Squirrel

It's not what Sarah Palin says that annoys most.

It's the mere sound of her voice, which reminds

one of a chainsaw chewing through duckweed.

Even if you didn't have to look at his oleaginous face,
Howard Kurtz's voice is enough to make your ears
feel defiled.

Don't tell Secretary Gates that 'reforming' the Pentagon's
budget is like leaving the dirty diaper on the baby and only
changing the safety pins. That will just piss him off and
make him sound even more like someone whose voice has
undergone a radical bassectomy.

A word of advice: if Sarah Palin makes a run for the

Republican presidential nomination in 2012, she needs

to get a voice transplant.

After hearing him testify today before the Senate

Judiciary Committee, many feel Bradley

Schlozman should give serious consideration

to having a voice transplant.