"Quite honestly, I didn't think 'Hong Kong Phooey' was

all that funny."

Photomicrograph of Nuts 

in a Squirrel Turd

Chuck Norris Sez:  "I trusted the government and I'm still

older than dirt.  Moral:  don't trust the government!"

"Get outta here, Aggie loser!"

said Walker, Texas Ranger.

At 69, Chuck Norris still doesn't have a gray hair on
his body, thanks to Red Dye No. 5.

Chuck Norris Defending His 50-Star, Tea-Stained Flag

"The negatives feel good. It's like being a boxer when you're young.

To me, hitting somebody, knocking somebody down, is a great

feeling. Firing out a negative ad just feels amazing. Why, at this

very moment, I'd like to punch Chuck Norris in the snout and

kick Reverend Huckabee in the balls!"

"My first two acts as President will be to get the US

out of the UN and to appoint Chuck Norris as our

ambassador to the World Combat League."

Walker, Texas Ranger, Endorses Mike Huckabee for President;

Analysts Say Move Means Martial Arts and Country-Western

Vote No Longer in Play

Chuck Norris to Lead Memorial Day Walkerthon

to Round Up Illegal Immigrants in Texas