Thomas 'Grow-the-Mustache Pie' Friedman

Remember the Friedman Unit (i. e., 'in the next six months')? 

Well, now we have the Trump Unit (i. e., 'in two weeks').

What You Find If You Use Google to Locate the Center-

Right of the Political Universe: Thomas Friedman's 

Mega-Manse!

Journey to the Center-Right of the

Universal Mind

"Better get a mop:  I'm so full of myself I'm about to

overflow!"

Thomas Friedman works for the New York Times and lives

in a multimillion-dollar house.  He is an opinion leader who

wants you to move to the Center.  The Center is where 

nothing ever changes, where Thomas Friedman works for

 the New York Times and lives in a multimillion-dollar house.

"Exceptionalism has to be earned by each 

generation," Thomas Friedman writes from his 

Bethesda megamanse, "and, when that happens, 

it speaks for itself."

Rumor has it that when he passes on, Thomas Friedman 

will have made arrangements with Virtual Eternity to create

 an avatar that will look like him, talk like him on TV, and

 write op-ed pieces like him for the New York Times for 

an infinite number of Friedman Units.

And when it was noised abroad that Thomas Friedman had

been named 'Wanker of the Decade', there was great rejoicing.

"Yes, ma'am, I intend to stay in the presidential race

for at least one more Friedman Unit."

"We understand, Tom, that the Iraq War ended when

the military ran out of Friedman Units."

Politically speaking, he had always been 'Centrist',

 'Independent', and 'Undecided', like David Brooks

and Thomas Friedman.  Not bad, really, for a

monkey.

"Tom Friedman?  Isn't he the guy with the pornstache who

founded the Third Party of One?"

Thomas Friedman, Founder of the

Third Party of One

The length of the Iraq War has been measured in

Friedman Units, where '1 Friedman Unit = 6 Months'.

The length of the Afghanistan War will be measured

in Petraeus Units, where '1 Petraeus Unit = Forever'.

Joe Farah Steals Tom

Friedman's Pornstache

"Yes, there are now four Teapublican Parties. First,

there's the Green Teapublican Party, a figment of

Tom Friedman's imagination. Next, there's the

Black Teapublican Party, a figment of Michael

Steele's imagination. Then, there's the Oolong

Teapublican Party, a figment of the Iron Goddess

of Mercy's imagination. And, finally, there's the

White Teapublican Party, which is made up of

99 and 44/100ths percent pure White Rodents,

like me."

"Lock the cellar door, Tom Friedman, and talk dirty to me!"

“The first rule of holes," writes Thomas Friedman,

"is when you’re in one, stop digging. When you’re

in three, bring a lot of shovels.” And, although he

doesn't mention it, the third rule of holes is the

time it takes to get out of a hole is measured in

Friedman Units.

"In the immortal words of Thomas Friedman, 'Suck. On. This.'"