"I don't want to cause no fuss

But can I buy your Magic Bus?"

"This public service announcement is brought to you 

courtesy of the GOP, the Party of Family Values."

When you say, "We don't have any common values,"

what you do mean 'we', Jesse Kelly? If you mean

'Secessionists', keep in mind that down here

in the South, we keep Crazy Seshers like you

 as pets.

All in the Family Values

Winning only 14% of the GOP vote, Ted Cruz learned he's 

not one of New York's values.

"Making one dollar in profit is more pleasurable

 than having one hundred orgasms," he said

 flaccidly.

So Cool It's Arctic!

"According to the New York Stock Exchange

at 3:01 p.m., you are now worth $2,422.35,

down from $2,423.10 yesterday."

"Oh, godamighty!  This standard is too high for a Boston

Terrier like me.  I guess I'll have to get used to 

being just another canine mediocrity."

There are the 'Values Voters', and then

there are the rest of us, the voters 

without values.

The Snark Tank #2

It was when Alfred E. Neuman realized he was an 

'Unrepeatable Value' that he regained his self-

confidence and became a star.

When you hear Newt Gingrich talking about 'family values',

 keep in mind this is the family he is referring to.

"Like Newt Gingrich, my beard articulates the deepest-held

values of the American people."

When we say something is 'Priceless', we're saying it has a

value which cannot be measured in monetary terms. In

 other words, we're saying that money is not the ultimate

standard of value, i. e., that there's a higher standard

than money for measuring the value of things.  But,

what might that standard be?

In some things, perhaps the most important

things, size doesn't matter. Leonardo's Mona

Lisa, for example, is only 31 inches high and

21 inches wide. In this photo, it looks even

smaller than that.

Oxymorons for Our Time #5
Family Values Libertarian

Values Voter Summit to Be Held in Death Valley,

282 Feet Below Sea Level

And God said unto the Diamond, "Make thyself scarce."And it did. Thus was created the concept of value and
the study of economics, the dismal science.

Have you noticed that the 12 Values in Glenn Beck's
9/12 Project are represented by the rattle at the
tail end of a poisonous snake?

There he was again, in the middle of one of those dreams

where he was trying to find his way back to something he

had lost. This time he had lost $50 trillion in global assets.

In the past he had always managed to wake up to discover

he was only dreaming. But would he able to this time?