New Signage Developed to Help Creditors

Find Checks in the Mail

In a daring daylight raid, aerialists from Apple Corp., shouting

"Steve Jobs Rules!" have stolen the Windows logo from Microsoft

headquarters in Redmond, Washington.

As this woman from Turkmenistan demonstrates, one

of the best remedies for boredom is stacking lemons.

Ignignokt and Err Check In to Mooninite Grief Counseling

Center After Cartoon Network Chief Sacked

After testifying in the Scooter Libby trial, Tim Russert

has decided that waterboarding is the only method that

might work to get anyone from the Bush Administration

to tell the truth on Meet the Press.

"Hey buddy! I bet you don't know it's Zombie Pride Day."

"Hey buddy! Can't you tell I'm proud?"

"Hey buddy! If you were as proud as I am, you wouldn't be

reading that trashy Michael Crichton novel."

"The Office of Special Plans," says Doug Feith, "has been smeared

for years by allegations that its pre-Iraq-war work was somehow

'unlawful' or 'unauthorized' and that some information it gave

to congressional committees was deceptive or misleading. WMDs

were in Iraq and they still are; you just can't see them. And when

Saddam Hussein married Osama bin Laden, he gave his bride

the destruction of the World Trade Center as a wedding present."

Unlike Pinocchio, Mary Matalin's nose 
doesn't grow when she lies. Her ears do.

This blurry image of Doug Feith reflects the lack of 'granularity' in

the intelligence his Office of Special Plans supplied in the run-up

to the Iraq War. In other words, it should all have been taken with

many more grains of salt.

"Way cooler than Disneyworld!" exclaimed Jeff Kahn,

after he had been tasered just for the thrill of it.

Iraqi Police Commando Nabs Baghdad

Carpet Bomber

When Harry Potter grew up, he developed what

might be called a Pegasus obsession.

Unbelievable as it may seem, William Donohue,

President of the Catholic League, has been fired

for being pregnant. Asked who the Father was,

Mr. Donohue would only say He was 'Heavenly'.

Surfacing after having failed in his attempt to undermine the

John Edwards presidential campaign, William Donohue,

President of the League of Starnosed Moles, vowed today

to launch a nationwide public relations blitz to convince

voles, gophers, packrats, and prairie dogs that he is

better looking than the Predator.

"Be one of the first 500 to order our 100% organic

FungiFun Dildo for only $19.95, and we'll send you

a second one ABSOLUTELY FREE! Call now!"

When William Donohue speaks, his rhetoric is so

inflammatory the fire marshall insists that an

extinguisher be kept nearby.

If you have been casting about, trying to land

one good reason to become an anti-Catholic

bigot, you might bait your hook with some red

meat and wait for William Donohue to bite.

He's the President of the Catholic League for

Religious and Civil Rights and is a very big fish

in a very small pond.

The Right-Wing Noise Machine

Jonah Goldberg, February 8, 2005:

"I predict that Iraq won't have a civil war, that it will have

a viable constitution, and that a majority of Iraqis and

Americans will, in two years time, agree that the war was

worth it. I'll bet $1,000 (which I can hardly spare right now)."

Jonah Goldberg, February 8, 2007:

"I offered the bet in a foolish fit of pique with Juan Cole.

.... I've admitted that Cole would have won. I've written

that the Iraq War was a mistake. .... I join a long list of

people whose expectations about the war and its

handling turned out to be wrong in whole or in part. ....

For the record, I still support staying there, because

even if it was a mistake to go in when and how we

did, that doesn't mean a precipitous withdrawal

will make things better."

"Good evening. My name is Terry Moran, and I love
my brother, Rick, something fierce. I am very proud of
him, even though he's not nearly as famous as I am. In
no way do I endorse anything he writes, even when he praises
me with words, like, 'Well done, brother. And thanks'.
But I will never disavow him, even if he joins the

Ku Klux Klan. I will always defend him as an honorable
man, even if he is arrested someday for being a serial killer.
And I really don't care what anyone says about it. He is
my brother, and blood is even thicker than my hair."