Mike Pompeo's new svelte profile reflects

his hearty appetite for scrambled eggs and 

chicken sausage.

Lest We Forget the QAnon Shaman

Of all people, one would expect Alan Dershowitz to shun

undercooked pork.

“The good thing about science is that it's true 

whether or not you believe in it.” 

--- Neil deGrasse Tyson

"Rumor has it, Mr. Stone, that your bloat is due

to your steady diet of Dick Nixon's toenail

clippings.  Any truth to that?"

Chris Christie is on a new diet.  Every time he

 says, "Hillary Clinton is a disgrace!" he loses 

one ounce of body fat.

"Welcome to McDonald's!  May I take your order?"

"Yes, I'd like two Lettuce Burgers and a bottle

of Asparagus Water."

"Tired of being a big fat slob? Tired of friends saying, 

'Hey, you look just like Roger Ailes!'?  If so, you need 

to follow Dr. Oz's 3-Step Plan to triple your fat loss!"

Dr. Oz's Newest Fat Burner

Great news for Rush Limbaugh:  

Viagra doubles as a diet pill!

National Best-Seller

"Like Sarah Palin, I am writing a book on

 fitness and self-discipline focusing on where

 I get my energy and balance as I still eat 

my beloved homemade comfort foods!"

Why I'm Wary of the New Weight-Loss Drug Belviq

Religiously speaking, Bacon Sundaes had kept them

apart for millennia.

Whatever else may be said in its favor, self-immolation is 

unquestionably a sure-fire way to burn away fat.

"Hi, I'm Paula Deen! I used to make you salivate for

Confederate Comfort Food. But now that those recipes

have given me diabetes, God has opened the door for me

to shill for Victoza, the diabetes medication I'm now

taking, miraculously brought to Earth by Nova Nordisk!"

'Leaner Military' is a locution that inspires

about as much confidence as 'Leaner Oprah'.

"The Tapeworm Diet works for me.  It can work for you, too."

"The private dinner my wife and I attended with Roger

Ailes was for the purpose of discussing the relative

merits of the Nutrisystem and Jenny Craig diet plans.

That's all we talked about."

Herman Cain Following New Crazy Bread Diet Plan