Salvation History (New and Improved)

Fake News Banished from the Sweet By and By

Der Führer Sez:  "Quite frankly, I like

Godwin's Law.  So long as it remains in

 effect, I will never be forgotten."

"You know, Dick, it boggles my mind how much misery

we will be able to inflict on the world over the next forty 

or fifty years.  Immortality!  What a concept!"

Humans are always looking for new ways to compete.  The

reason:  so there can be winners and losers.  The idea is

that if you're a winner, you become immortal and won't

die.  Only losers die.

Surprisingly, all it took to attain immortality was 

to press a button and spray under each arm.

"OK, mate, I confess!  It was I who stole the forbidden

Tana leaves."

The Mummy Sez:  "Quite frankly, I prefer

the fictions which fit into my Immortality

Ideology rather than the facts which don't."

So relax. Take a load off. Have

another beer. You will have to buy

the book if you wish to live forever,

which is a bit of bad news. But

there's also a bit of good news:

you don't have to read it.

Proponents of Health Care Reform Considering
Renaming 'Public Option' as Either 'Fountain
of Youth Option', 'Eternal Life Option', or
'Wall-to-Wall Pussy Option'

If humans got the same care race cars do, they'd be immortal.

Once you understand why humans strive to

be #1, everything else falls into place.

The pathways to immortality are innumerable.

For Joey Chestnut, it was eating 50 Nathan's

Famous Hot Dogs in just 12 minutes.