“I’m on the side of conservatives getting back

to core conservative values," says Senator David

Vitter (R-LA), leader of the GOP's Rent-a-Fuck

Caucus on Capitol Hill.

"I am not a crook!"

[Richard Nixon, November 18, 1973]

"I am not a racist!"

[Justin Barrett, July 29, 2009]

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #3
John Negroponte and Michael Hayden

Some critics of Senator John Cornyn (R-TX) say he's

way too white. Others says he's not white enough.
All the Senator will say is that he's a whiter shade
of pale.

Officer Justin Barrett's Fixation on 'Banana-
Eating Jungle Monkeys' Linked to Early
Childhood Trauma Caused by Viewing
The Wizard of Oz without Proper
Adult Supervision

George Bush Christens Louie Gohmert,
Born-Again Birther

Chuck Todd Praying That Glennzilla
Returns to Monster Island Soon

"Though we've got to say good-bye
For the summer
Darling, I promise you this
I'll send you all my love
Everyday in a letter
Sealed with a kiss."

Rupert Murdoch's Worst Nightmare: Glenn Beck and
His Disciples Switch to the Dark Side of the Force

If hummingbirds could speak while feeding, all they
would ever say is, "Sweet!" And do you think they might
give a good goddam if you think that's a cliche popular
with young people?

"As you will soon learn, soldier, stopping truth from coming
out of the barrel of a gun is easy. Stopping bullets, however,
is a wee bit harder."

"A recent study has suggested that Iraqus Interruptus is
an effective form of death control. But I would argue
that the push for pulling out is fundamentally flawed."

Doesn't it strike you as odd that while many people ask, "Does
God exist?", no one ever asks, "Does Jonah Goldberg exist?"
Mightn't the world be a more rational place if it were the
other way round?

If you had to become a part of your body, which part
would you choose to be? Your feet? Not likely. But
why is that?

Great men don't need badges or guns to establish
their authority. Little men do.

The scorpion mating process can take from 1 to 25+ hours
and depends on the ability of the male to find a suitable
place to deposit his spermatophore. If mating goes on
longer than that, the female may eventually lose interest
and take up Twittering.

Sarah Palin Singing the Final Chorus
of 'Quitty Quitty Bang Bang'

Even if you didn't have to look at his oleaginous face,
Howard Kurtz's voice is enough to make your ears
feel defiled.

"You may have seen the video where I stare at
pens for ten minutes in the Congressional Book
Store. Contrary to what you may have heard, I
was not hiding from some leftist rabble-rouser
with a mic and camera. No, as anyone who knows
me will tell you, I'm a comparison shopper who
never spends a dime without carefully weighing
all the alternatives. That takes time."

Natty Light:
Cheap,
Tastes Like Shit,
Still Fucks You Up

Alaska's Wilderness Playgrounds Re-Open After
Mooselini's Abdication

Succoring Officer Friendly

Three-Card Monte

Big Bertha

Big Birther

Forbes Forced to Use Stimulus Money to Publish
Annual 'The 400 Richest People in America' Issue

Having achieved his lifetime goal of being the only U. S.
Senator who is also a member of the Baseball Hall of Fame
and Fearguth's Hall of Wackos, Senator Jim Bunning (R-KY)
has announced he will not run for re-election in 2010.

Peter Orszag Chosen to Play Norman Bates
in Überwonky, a Sequel to Terry Gilliam's
Jabberwocky

Woman Experiencing the 'Butterfly Effect'
Up Close

"The next time I PLAN to be arrested by you guys,
I won't forget the donuts and coffee!"

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #2
Pamela Geller and Jim Hoft

Big Swinging Dicks of The Politico, the Horseshit
Wing of the GOP

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #1
Paul Broun

Senator Cornyn Apologizes for Saying America
Needs the F-22 Fighter Plane in Order to Deal
with the National Security Threat from India

Is Senator Baucus a spider or a fly?
(Click on image for assistance
in making up your mind.)

World's Worst Yobs #115
Mitch Albom

Presidential Adviser Rebuts Former Alaska
Governor's Claim That 'Palin' Sounds Funnier
with Just Two Syllables Than 'Axelrod' Does
with Three

Latest Trend in Academic Research Focusing on
How Trends in Academic Research Rise and Fall

Jeub Family Still Lagging Behind Duggar Family in
Race to Establish First Christian Colony on Mars

If you were totally color-blind, you wouldn't
be able to see any colors. Everything you could
see would be white, like, for example, what you
would see now if you were a member of the
Republican Party. 'Color-blind', in other words,
is just another way of saying 'all-white'.

"Hear our protests, O Michelle, Our Lady
of the Perpetually P.O'ed!"

Flagrant Farter Still Being Pursued by Police for
“Exhibiting Loud and Tumultuous Behavior"

When asked what song was his all-time favorite, Richard
Fuld, last CEO of now-defunct Lehman Brothers, used body
language to indicate it was Ted Nugent's 'Stranglehold'.

Chromophobia ( krō′mō-fō′bē-ă) n. the fear
of people of color. [Baracknophobia is one
type of chromophobia.]

"No wonder the travel agent was practically giving
tickets away for a seven-day cruise aboard the
Carnival Beachcomber."

"All you fellows, gather 'round me
And let me give you some good advice
What I'm gonna, gonna ask you now
You better think about it twice
While you're out cheating on your woman
There's something you never even thought of,
and that is

I was making love to your old lady
While you were out making love
I was making love to your old lady
While you were out making love."

"In the short run, I will be leading an ironic crusade for
ethical government. In the long run, I hope to become
more famous for being famous than Paris Hilton."

At 112, Walter Breuning is currently the world's oldest
man. He wants you to know that being young is just a
bias you eventually grow out of.

On this, her last day as Governor of Alaska, we pause a
moment to remember the quintessential Sarah Palin, when
she declared at the Republican National Convention a year
ago, "Nyaa, nyaa, nyaa, nyaa, nyaa! Also, nyaa!"