Trying to backtrack from his admission that the

invasion of Iraq has been a disaster, Tony Blair

cocked his head so far to the right his neck snapped

and left him a moral quadriplegic, paralyzed from

the mouth down.

How Chinese Navy SEALs come ashore is a sight to behold.

Viewed through the lens of history, George Walker Bush,

the 43rd President of the United States, will someday be

as hard to see as Millard Fillmore, the 13th President of

the United States.

Too late, President Bush realized he had once again

fallen for the old 'poo-poo cushion' gag.

"On the count of three, everybody smile and say, 'Cheese'."

After Petit Teixeira laid waste to the opposing team,

nobody ever called him 'Short Stuff' again.

"What are you lookin' at, you hockey puck?!"

When Ming the Merciless showed up for the APEC

Summit, he went unnoticed until someone pointed

out he was in black-and-white.

The President was troubled as he strode manfully in his

ao dai. "Could it be," he fretted, "the Vietnamese are

making fools of us by making everybody wear dresses?

They said this was what the emperor once wore. But

what if he had been a cross-dresser?"

Challenged by David Frost on al-Jazeera TV that Western

intervention in Iraq had "so far been pretty much of a disaster,"

Tony Blair said: "It has." He then removed his mask, revealing

yet another mask underneath.

"Ya know, Pooty Boy, that dress really brings out

the blue in your eyes."

"Whose idea was it, anyway, to have us diked out in

these Zippy the Pinhead costumes?"

When the last one fell, the Domino Theory of

the Vietnam War was vindicated at last. There

it was: the flags of the United States and Vietnam

encased in an ice sculpture, the centerpiece of

a state dinner where the President of the United

States and the President of Vietnam buried the

hatchet in Jane Fonda.

"Just between you and me, Rush," whispered Justice Thomas,

"Tony Scalia is looking and talking more and more like Lou

Costello. And now he's pressuring me to start acting like Bud

Abbott. That's just crazy, don't you think?"

President Bush has appointed this man, Dr. Eric Keroack,

to be Deputy Assistant Secretary for Family Planning

Programs at the Department of Health and Human Services.

Problem is, this doctor opposes family planning, the mission

of the programs he will oversee. In case you're wondering,

the light you see in his eyes is coming from a flashlight pointed

at the back of his head.

Without warning, two of the specimens in Guenther von
Hagens' Body Worlds exhibition sprang to life, 
exclaimed "Gotta go!" and sprinted toward 
the men's room.

"Listen, young man," reasoned the old Palestinian, "the

latest archaeological and textual evidence shows that

King David was a second-rate potentate with a

first-rate publicist. That's all I'm trying to say."

"Oh God!" Condi thought. "I've had my legs crossed

for so long they've gone to sleep. If I try to stand up

right now, I'm gonna fall flat on my ass!"

"Rehab me, O Lord, but I beg Thee to not turn me

into either a car dealer or a shoe salesman!"

President Bush and Prime Minister Howard

Don Identical Neckwear to Symbolize Stronger

Ties Between the United States and Australia