"In his next sermonic interlude, Pastor Jeffress will explain

the difference between a 'genuine follower of Jesus Christ',

a 'fake follower of Jesus Christ', a 'follower of Jesus Christ',

a 'nonfollower of Jesus Christ', and a 'Mormon'. Then he

will lead the congregation in singing, 'Lead Us On, Rick

Perry, Lead Us On'."

Wing Commander Erickson had finally come to the

realization that two chins were better than one.

"I once had only one prick.  That was before I started

watching Bill O'Reilly on Fox News."

"Welcome, folks, to the annual Linda Lovelace Deep Throat

Cornydog Invitational! Our first contestant is Michele Bach-

mann, who comes to us all the way from Climax, Minnesota."

Isn't it marvelous how the price of gasoline changes

 from station to station and from city to city in unison

every day? Is it sheer coincidence?  Or is it the

Free Market, Competition, and the Invisible Hand

doing God's bidding?

Wouldn't this make an interesting Olympic sport:  a com-

bination of Extreme Ironing, Planking, and Hang Gliding?

"Cut out all that talk about 'Multiple Realities'! 

One is more than enough for me!"

As the Brown Horde was overrunning their last bastion,

 the commander of the Caucasians said, "Men, I have

a bit of bad news. Our nonwhite enemies have

evidently outfucked us!"

Bachmann’s Road to the White House Gets Rocky

Sign of the Times #15

If all the unemployed and under-

employed were to hit the street

at the same time, the 1%ers

would start booking flights to

Mars.

'Romney Beating Obama in a Fight for Wall St. Cash', the

New York Times headline reads.  Is this supposed to be

good news or bad news?  And for whom?

American Empire #55

Occupy Wall Street Latest in Long List

of U. S. Occupations:  Occupy Japan,

Occupy Germany, Occupy South Korea,

Occupy South Vietnam, Occupy Dominican

Republic, Occupy Panama, Occupy Grenada,

 Occupy Afghanistan, Occupy Iraq, Et Al

One-Percenter Alice Walton Arrested for DUI, Spends

Birthday in Jail Owned by Walmart Subsidiary

AP Confirms:  GOP Frontrunner Is Long-Lost Third Koch

Brother; Actual Name Is Herman Koch-Cain

Mitt Romney and His Pals at Wolfbane Capital

Warm Scuzzies #226

Thomas Ryan

Support Growing for Herman Cain's Plan to Build a Great

Wall Around Iowa, with an Alligator-Filled Moat Inside

the Wall to Keep the Yokels from Climbing Out of the

Hawkeye State

Esquire Declares Rihanna to Be 'Sexiest Queen Bee Alive'

The Three Legs of the Conservative Stool

Why God has called Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann,

Rick Santorum, and Herman Cain to run for President

in the same year and in the same election remains

 unclear. Perhaps He is not really omniscient

after all and is merely hedging His bets.