"Mr. President, I really enjoyed reading my report

the White House has written for me."

"Joey, you eat chicken wings like there's no tomorrow.

Do you know something the rest of us don't?"

"Joe, my latest plot is so fiendish that even

the Devil won't have anything to do with it."

Tagg Romney Puts Out Jello Biafra

"Well, I define 'traditional marriage' as the union of

a man and a woman, no matter how many times they

get married, divorce, commit adultery, fornicate,

or what not."

Sarko the Giant Uncovers Le Physique Massif

Do you sometimes get the feeling that life

is passing you by?

"When Karl Rove speaks," writes Gloria Borger, 
"the political class pays attention—usually with 
good reason: he's a genius, at the head of our 
class of subgeniuses."

The weed of crime bears bitter fruit. But not

for Lt. Col. Steven Jordan, whose case showed,

once again, that 'military justice' is an oxymoron.

"Pope Benedict,

Superstar,

Do you think you're what they say you are?"

In baseball, this kind of play is called 'around the horn'.

Movers Flabbergasted by Lack of Mental Furniture

Inside George Bush's Head

When someone suggested President Bush had nobody’s shoulder

to cry on, he said: “Of course I do, I’ve got God’s shoulder to

cry on, and I cry a lot.”

"Whaddya mean OxiClean can't remove the Iraq War

stain from my legacy?"

World's Worst Jobs #52

Palestinian Dump Digger

World's Worst Yobs #19

Michael Medved

In the time it took to destroy this old weapon,

one hundred new weapons were built.

"I feel free, I feel free, I feel free!"

Lobbyist Greasing the Skids for Condi Rice's

Return to Stanford University

Next Generation with the National Debt on Its Back

"Grecian Formula, why hast thou forsaken me?"

Fearguth Reaches a Milestone: Post 5,280

Things began to look up the day the talking head

talked and nobody listened.

In the movie, My Big Fat Iraq Fuckup, this is

the scene where Tony throttles George.

Tommy Haas was so hungry he began to

gnaw on one of his balls.

"Which was dumber, Tony: me breaking my wrist on

the set, or you joining the Bush Administration as

press secretary?"

It's surprising what you can accomplish

when you give up sex.

Little Girl Reacts When Hillary Says She Didn't Know

Norman Hsu Was a Crook

"Zeke, I told you to lay off the fabric softener.

Now look at you!"

No doubt about it: somebody had knocked the

stuffing out of Fatih Solak.

Elephant Sit-Down Strike Enters Third Week

World's Worst Yobs #18

John Hinderaker

Why War Is Bad #2

It creates more places for pigeons to nest.

President Bush in Closed-Door Meeting Today with Joint Chiefs

"You didn't ask for my opinion, but I'll give it to you anyway.

We dragonflies would rather eat mosquitoes than read what

David Ignatius has to say in The Washington Post."

"You must understand that not all voters are created equal.

Mr. al-Maliki was only elected by the Iraqi people. I am being

elected by U. S. Senators and the CIA."

"Any sign of the stork yet, dear?"

Serena Changes Name to Passionata

Jiang Musheng claims eating live frogs works 
better than Viagra, Cialis, or Levitra. He says 
the only side effect is he sometimes feels a 
little jumpy.

George Bush has hired a prominent author to assist him

in writing a memoir of his years as President of the United

States. When published, the title will be My Pet Ghost.

Sometimes an umbrella is the world's greatest invention.

Sometimes it isn't.

The Unexpurgated Bible #2

Archaeologists Excavating Mt. Ararat Uncover Unfinished

Ark; Discovery Suggests Noah Was a Slacker; Find May Also

Explain Why the Post-Diluvian World Has Turned Out

So Badly

"If you said, 'George Bush can take his request for another

$50 billion for the Iraq War and shove it up his ass!', I hear

you. If you didn't, say again."

Naked Celibates Misspell 'Nookie'

President Bush tried to park his Legacy in New Orleans today,

but he couldn't because the parking space was still under water.

It was at the picnic Monica Goodling first saw the light,

namely, that 'It's not what you know but who you know'

was not only the philosophical foundation of the Bush

Administration but was also the secret of her success.

Observers say it won't be too hard to fill Alberto Gonzales' shoes.

"Tony, I have an idea. Break your wrist, I'll sign your

cast, auction it on eBay, and then maybe you'll have

enough money to tide you over until the end of the

Bush Administration."

George Bush and Karl Rove, Two Men Who

Will Go Down, Down, Down in History