Warm Scuzzies #212

Peter Haller (aka Peter Simonyi)

Rick Perry’s Loose Lips Worry Hill Republicans;

"Would Botox Help?" Some Ask

"How old do I think the Earth is? You know what, kid, I don't

have any idea, because I dropped out of my 'Book of

Genesis' class at Paint Creek High School."

"Flunking organic chemistry was one of the

best things that ever happened to me, kid!

If I had made good grades in college, I

might today be a veterinarian,

pulling calves."

If you seek the fearless, don't bother

looking for them on Wall Street.

The gaps in the theory of evolution are inconsequential

compared to the gap between Rick Perry's ears.

If you want him to listen to you, you have to

BYOB (Buy Your Own Obama).

“People recognize that there’s a fear that the United States

is in an unstoppable decline. They see the rise of China,

the rise of India, the rise of the Soviet Union, the rise of

Freedonia, and they fear that President Obama will

whack $500 billion out of our military defense at a

time when we're fighting three wars."

Sometimes God sends subtle messages by, say, putting the

 visage of the Virgin Mary on a 10-year-old grilled cheese

 sandwich.  Sometimes He is more direct.

“It’s just a good thing I can’t pack a gun on the Senate floor,

 or I'd make the caning of Senator Charles Sumner (R-MA)

 by Senator Preston Brooks (D-SC) look like a pillow fight."

Allen West Undergoes Sex Reassignment Surgery,

Becomes 'Modern-Day Harriet Tubman'

"Under President Bachmann you will see gasoline come

down below $2 a gallon again. That will happen when I'm

elected President in 2008."

It would have been better TV if, in a rare display of good sense,

CNN host Piers Morgan had terminated his interview with

Christine O'Donnell and walked off the set.

Did you know that for every $25 donation

to the Romney campaign you get a free

t-shirt?

Asked why he was moving his presidential campaign to

Hawaii, Newt Gingrich said it's because "the Aloha State

 has better beaches and Mai Tais."

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #57

It Happened at the State Fair

Oxymorons for Our Time #106

White-Hot Electorate

Old South Baking Co. Introduces New Cookie Line Inspired

 by Rush Limbaugh, 'White Chocolate Wingnut Chubbies'

"Careful with that arm or one of my security palookas

may have to rip it from your shoulder!"

Cain Wants Abel Impeached; Tiller of the Ground

Hinting at Even More Drastic Measures Which

May Be Taken Against Keeper of Sheep