Once thought impossible, Jeb Bush seems to

be more clueless than his brother, even failing

at the simple task of picking his nose.

White, Angry, Gun-Obsessed, Hates  Orange

"Pardon me, but do you know the way to the egg?"

"Funny, I was going to ask you the same question."

If you put Milton Friedman in charge of the Sahara Desert, 

in 5 years, there'd be a free market charging you to live 

in it and to be buried under it.

Scholars say 'dumb as a post' is the shortened

and generalized form of an older idiomatic

expression, 'dumb as a New York Post'.

"After 14 years in Afghanistan and 12 years in Iraq, 

three years in Syria sounds positively fugacious."

"Where are all those goats headed?"

"To Mickey Kaus's house."

"You may be wondering why anyone with half a brain 

would go to a gun range with a guy of whom he said, 

“This dude is straight up nuts!"

Kory Watkins and Veronica Dunnachie: she

 later murdered her husband and stepdaughter. 

He is now saying that Joe Straus, the Speaker

of the Texas House of Representatives, "is

a tyrant and should be charged with crimes

against the American people."

The air in Debbie Schlussel's cave was polluted by her 

mephitic and pestilential breath.

North Korea Unveils 310 New Slogans, Including: 

"Let us turn ours into a country of mushrooms!" and

"Keep them in the dark and feed them bullshit!"

'Montana Lawmaker Fails to Ban Yoga Pants'

"Holy Hell,  that's a spider, man!"

"I served with Republicans. I knew Republicans. Republicans 

were friends of mine. Senator Cruz, you're no Republican!"

The Land of Punt was known for producing aromatic

 resins, ebony, wild animals, and Scott Walker.

Two-Minute Haters #47

Deborah Karen Schlussel

"Anthony wants to know what these 95 Theses are all

about and who the hell Martin Luther is!"

Ethan Czahor, we hardly knew ye.

"Governor Walker, do you believe in evolution?"

“I’m going to punt on that."

"Oh, so you do believe in football?"

"Brian Williams, you're black!"