We Are Here to Help You!

Gordon Klingenschmitt Sez:  "I'm not all that white."

[Compared to an albedo of .9 for freshly fallen

snow, perhaps not.]

He stopped believing in mythical animals when the last 

werewolf choked and died while eating the last unicorn.

Dr. Ben Carson Blames Invention of Genuine Hand-

Hammered Wok on Women's Lib Movement of the

1960s

Austin Police Say Larry Steve McQuilliams 

Belonged to Phineas Phreak Priesthood

"I'll cover your lying ass if you'll cover mine."

Q:  What is a two-word refutation for the Theory of

Intelligent Design?

A:  Curt Schilling.

If Hillary Clinton runs for President and is elected, just

think how much the American people will save in

speaking fees.

Warm Scuzzies #512

St. Louis Police Officers Association

Elizabeth Lauten has apologized to Sasha and Malia, but 

she hasn't yet apologized to Barack and Michelle for 

saying they "don't respect their positions very much, 

or the nation for that matter."  And while she's at it,

 perhaps she should apologize for being such a

 dumb blonde.

David Ben-Gurion

Jackass Ben-Howe

Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #60

Ezra Levant

What Senator Cruz Is Pointing Out Today #14

An Aberrant Life-Form

Darren Wilson Sez:  "Greater love hath no man than this, 

that I lay down my job for my friends."

[Having said this, he then ascended up his own fundament.]

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #603

Gavin Seim

The Late Larry Steve McQuilliams,

Anti-Immigrant Jihadist and 

Renaissance Terrorist

Post-Thanksgiving Cat Waiting for the

L-Tryptophan to Kick In

World's Worst Yobs #318

Robert Tracinski

Flag Desecration #81

New Jersey Swineherd Vetoes Pig Cage Bill

Two-Minute Haters #45

Ben Howe

Some Megan Foxes turn out rather well.

Some don't.

Il Duce

China cracks down on puns.  Media regulators say

 “they can create misunderstandings for the public, 

especially for miners.”

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #602

Penny Nance

Dyslexic Obama Mocks Turkey, Pardons Republicans

Ted Cruz Sez:  “I don’t think I’m 

all that conservative.”

[And he isn't:  Ted's a radical rightist.]

"It's Black Friday Pie, sir, and it is daring you to put it

in your piehole."

It's Black Friday!

The turkey said, "Bite me!"  And so we did.

In his testimony to the grand jury, Darren 

Wilson said, "And when I grabbed him, 

the only way I can describe it is I felt like a 

five-year-old holding onto Hulk Hogan... 

That's just how big he felt and how small

 I felt just from grasping his arm."  At

6' 4" and 210 pounds, Darren Wilson

is pretty big for a wimpy five-year-old.

Happy Tanksgiving!

Big Bigots, Little Bigots #53

Steve Toth

Despite getting hammered, Roger Goodell

only made it to #6 on GQ's list of the

30 'Least Influential People of 2014'.

Warm Scuzzies #511

Robert McCulloch

Darren Wilson says he has a 'clean conscience'.  He

probably also has a 'spotless mind'.

So, you didn't make GQ's list of the 30 'Least Influential 

People of 2014', eh?  That's probably because you got 

squeezed out by Bono and Barack Obama.

Warm Scuzzies #510

Salty Sow (Austin, Texas)

Darren Wilson's Self-Image Before

His Encounter with Michael Brown

After

The next time you feed your pet coyote, remember:

coyotes prefer their poodles to be bacon-wrapped.

Chuck Hagel Meets His Replacement

as Secretary of Defense

Turkish President Tayyip Erdogan raised

 eyebrows earlier this month by declaring 

that Muslims had discovered the Americas 

before Christopher Columbus and had 

settled in Utah, where men are more

equal than women and cops kill more

people than drug dealers, child abusers,

and gangbangers.

"What's wrong with Rudy?"

"Somebody just said, 'Ooga Booga!'"

It is an error to say that they scraped the bottom of the

Alabama barrel when Slow Mo Brooks was elected to the 

House of Representatives.  Why?  Because the Alabama

 barrel is bottomless.

Flag Desecration #80

Now that the reality-based Benghazi monster has been 

laid to rest, the time has come for the Zombie Benghazi 

to arise and eat the brains of wingnuts from now to the

end of time.

Big Bigots, Little Bigots #52

Ira Hansen