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"I was once a contestant in the Miss Universe Pageant,
but I got crossways with Donald Trump and fell on
hard times."

Karl Rove, who attended nearly a half dozen colleges
but never graduated from any of them, thinks Sonia
Sotomayor, who graduated summa cum laude from
Princeton and earned a law degree from Yale, isn't
smart enough to be on the Supreme Court. His
opinion calls to mind the Dragnet theme:
"Dumb-da-dumb-dumb!"

Liz Cheney, a Chip Off the Old Blockhead

VW Micro-Microbus

"In postfeminist America," Ross Douthat avers,
"men are happier than women." So, if you're a
woman, Ross is happier than you are, even though
he doesn't look like it.

If we lived in the Real World, the confirmation

of Sonia Sotomayor to be a Supreme Court justice
would proceed expeditiously and with dignity. But
we live in the Unreal World, where dragons and
other horrid beasties roam freely.

You can smoke it, sniff it, or snort it. But as
any rightist will tell you, if you want to be
seriously crazy, you have to mainline it.

Kim Jong-Il Casts Deciding Vote in Favor of
Admitting North Korea into an Organization
Even More Exclusive Than the U. S. Senate:
The Nuclear Club

"Would the Republican Party, conservatives, rightists,
and other assorted wingnuts please find some younger
talent to play villains in America's political theater?
This is necessary in order to keep the American people
from falling asleep and snoring during the show.
Thank you."

While you're waiting for an invitation from George and
Laura Bush to come over to their place for some chips
and dip, here are a few interior shots of their $3.1 million
mansion in Preston Hollow.

If Ernest Powertools Worrell can go to Summer Camp,
so can Fearguth. Look for him to return online next
Monday afternoon, May 25.

World's Worst Yobs #98
Ramesh Ponnuru

Sarko the Giant's Rubber Ducky

When Escargots Strike Back

She wouldn't trust her husband as far as she could
throw him. And that was pretty far.

Democratic Party Marching Toward Socialism,
Republican Party Slouching Toward Gollumism

You have to admit that some of the Gitmo detainees look
pretty scary, especially King Ghidorah of Fuckupistan.

The Governor of Mississippi has declined to walk through
one of the new full-body imaging machines in order to test
his oft-repeated claim that he keeps all the skinny parts of
his body hidden on the inside of his suit.

"I just heard Michael Steele say, 'Change is being delivered
in a tea bag. And that’s a wonderful thing'. Isn't he just the
shiznit?"

Scientists Unveil Completely-Naked

47-Million-Year-Old Female

Primate Named 'Ida'

If anybody asks, tell them Senator Harry Reid (D-NV)

has switched from the party symbolized by a donkey

to the party symbolized by a horse's ass.

If you're old enough, you may recall your mother
or grandmother going out into the chicken yard,
using a wire hook to snag a young fryer, and then
wringing its head off. Remember how the poor thing
flopped around pitifully until it finally expired?

If so, you're probably familiar with the expression,

'chicken with its head cut off', which aptly describes

the behavior of today's Republican Party.

If you are among the one-third of credit card users
who do not carry a balance from month to month,
you are considered a 'Deadbeat Paying Customer'
by the industry. On the other hand, if you max
out your cards, make minimum monthly payments,
occasionally exceed your credit limit, and miss a
monthly payment every now and then, you are
a 'Lifetime Preferred Customer'.

In 1995, when the Speaker of the House led the effort to
shut down the federal government, Nancy Pelosi could
have justifiably said of Newt Gingrich: "I think this is the
most despicable, dishonest and vicious political effort I've
seen in my lifetime. He is a trivial politician, viciously
using partisanship for the narrowest of purposes, and
he dishonors the Congress by his behavior." But she,
unlike Newt Gingrich, was too classy to say something
like that.

"Steele Seeks to 'Turn the Page' for Republican Party,"
the headline reads. Isn't this what Mark Foley was
doing that cost him his seat in Congress?

WTF? It's time for those tea sippers again?

Tattoos Suing Alaska Governor for
Defamation of Characters

Dung Fever Epidemic Hits EIB Network;
Rush Limbaugh Sounding Shittier
Than Usual

If you believe that "God moves in mysterious ways, His
wonders to perform," what wonder do you suppose He
had in mind when Robert Mugabe took the oath of office
for his umpteenth term as the High Muckety-Muck
of Zimbabwe?

"I'm way too big to just be the leader of a political party,
like the GOP. No, my friends, you must remember that
I'm Hellboar Von Porkulus, Plenipotentiary of the Pig
People and Other White Meatheads!"

TSA Reports Surge in Job Applications from Peeping
Toms to Operate Whole-Body Imaging Machines

BREITBART: 'I, Jerk'

Yes he does. And so does Mickey Kaus.

"Whoops!" said Joe Biden when he learned of
MoDo's inadvertence.

Fearguth Admits He Inadvertently Woke Up on Sunday
to Inadvertently Read Maureen Dowd's New York Times
Column in Which She Inadvertently Plagiarized
Josh Marshall

Vice President Biden Slammed for Disclosing
Heretofore Unknown Location of Vice President
Cheney's Undisclosed Location
(Shown Here for the First Time)

"Sorry, folks, the Mission Accomplished Show for today
has been called off due to lack of interest, ha! ha! ha!
Instead, I'm standing in front of the U. S. S. Ronald
Reagan to remind you it costs $250,000 a day to keep
this carrier in service while it's docked here in San
Diego. And that's chump change compared to the
$2.5 million a day it takes to keep it afloat while
at sea. Is anybody here in the mood for a Tea Party
to protest excessive government spending and
fiscal irresponsibility? I didn't think so. Like me,
you understand that without the Military-Industrial
Complex, our economy would go, as they say, 'belly
up like a sea otter', ha! ha! ha!"

Kidnapping of Seymour the Donkey Kicks Alan the
Jackass Completely Out of Cable News Cycle---
Even on Fox

Carrie Prejean, Woman with 'Larger Breasts',
Meets Man with 'Lager Breasts', Falls in Love,
Decides to Enter 'Opposite Marriage'

Who knew that the Man in the Pentacornered Hat
also owned a copy of Nave's Topical Bible?

President Obama Ruins Graduation of
Runner-Up for Notre Dame's Coveted
'Dweeb of the Year' Award

Barack Obama Demonstrating the 'Presidential Wave',
a Technique His Predecessor Never Mastered

"Beg pardon, sir, but I don't think you'll
be needing this anymore."

Have a Nice Tragicomic Day!

When SpikeMouth showed up in South Bend
alongside Alan Keyes and Randall Terry to
protest President Obama's appearance at
Notre Dame, the Trifecta of Intellective
Defloration was complete.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #41
Kim Hendren

Conservative Groups Working Together to Gather Mud
to Be Slung at President's Supreme Court Nominee

Pepperpot Queen 'Deeply Troubled' by
British Pols' Expenses Mess

"Sometimes in life you want to just keep walking,"
Peggy Noonan said, adding, "Sometimes, I think, just
keep walking .... Some of life just has to be mysterious."

World's Worst Yobs #97
Michael Patrick Leahy