Election Day was just a clever ruse. Here is how

the next President was actually chosen.

Weak Economy, Cash-Strapped Donors, Angry

God Cited as Factors in Focus on the Family's

Decision to Lay Off 202 Employees

Because of the inescapable time delay between an event

and her perception of it, Patty knew she was fated to live

in the past, forever terrified by the fuzzy yellow sphere

ingressing into the present on its way to the future.

Would somebody please invent a new term for an

ad hominem political attack? Even Vicki Iseman

believes 'smear' is older and more worn out than

John McCain.

Does anybody know if the AP's 'Sprinkles' Sidoti

went down with Senator McCain? If not, why not?

Another casualty of the economic downturn has been

the demand for Joe the Plumber t-shirts. Maybe some

entrepreneur will seize the day and make a fortune selling

them as gag gifts at next year's Netroots Nation convention.

"Well, Cindy, we still have your $100 million to keep

us from grieving too hard, while Barack and Michelle

have to console all those whose lives have been

upended by the Bush Administration train wreck."

Huckabee Unloads on Romney and Thompson

GOP Leadership Divided on Which Direction to Take

the Party

Horsefly Eggs Shortly Before Hatching

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #10

The Nude Wanker with One Black Shoe

The Church Militant

Pope Finally Reaches Warp Speed

Young Mangalitza Porker Takes Strong Exception to John

Cole's Use of Phrase, 'Pig Ignorant Religious Nuts', Says

Pigs "Pretty Damn Smart, Oink, Oink!"

As Bugs Bunny would say, "What a Moran!

Will ya get a load of this maroon?"

World's Worst Yobs #60

Jamie Kirchick

They've now counted 66,738,562 votes for Barack Obama.

Well, if his presidency doesn't turn out as hoped, we know

who to blame, don't we?

Will President Obama have to hold hands with King Abdullah?

"Give Daddy a little sugar!"

What's worse, someone had pried the gun from his cold dead hand.

In kindergarten, he had been taught to share everything.

But Marco was a very slow learner.

Aftershocks of the Obama earthquake in the United

States are still being felt worldwide.

Sarah Palin Gives Sneak Peek of Her 2012

Look at Republican Governors' Conference

The next phase in the Excruciating Etiquette program

would be learning how to sit on your fist and lean back

on your thumb.

Like the ugly duckling, his peers made fun of him until

he grew up to be

Rodan.

And then they made fun of him even more.

Why don't we ever see a condom production line on

How It's Made, the popular Science Channel program?

When Vice President-Elect Joe Biden visited the U. S. Naval

Observatory, he learned why Vice President Cheney is such

a big Dick: he has two prostates, both enlarged.

Times must be getting really tough: Hormel Foods is

reportedly struggling to keep up with Spam demand.

Ming the Merciless' other daughter was unfortunately

born with her head on backwards, which made getting

dressed a real hassle.

Upon further reflection, it would seem reasonable to believe

Vladimir Putin might be able to hang Mikhail Saakashvili by

the balls.

Barack Obama to Distance Himself from William Ayers

by Moving to Washington, D.C.

Dreamer Trying Vainly to Retrace His Steps Back to

Where He Can't Quite Remember

Giant Emoticon Seen As Positive Sign From On High

President Bush's impression of the American economy

was always good for a laugh.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is required to go through

the Door of Humility on the way out of the Bush Administration

and into a future career of hard-earned, well-deserved obscurity.

Bush Performs Warning Dance Against 'Too Much' Government

in Markets, Defends Capitalism Nonverbally

Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of Frank 
Walter Steinmeier?

Angela Merkel's shadow knows.

If you thought the rightwing mudslingers were bad during

the presidential campaign, just wait until January 20, 2009.

Star-Bangled Spanner

If ever a new Nietzsche proclaims "Gold Is

Dead!" that will be the beginning of the end

of humankind's oldest faith.

Passengers aboard the Bush Express had an

uneasy feeling they were going nowhere.

"I think the Left hates me — mostly men on the Left hate me —

because to me from outside in it appears that I have a great

sex life, all right?"

Her body over 60% water, the little girl wondered why

the other 40% wasn't.

Representative Paul Broun (R-GA) has apologized for

being a flatus tube. Unfortunately, once a flatus tube,

always a flatus tube. Sorry, Congressman!

You probably didn't know that today is Crappycopia,

the Harvest Festival of Conservatism's Firstfruits.

Texas State Board of Education member Cynthia Dunbar (who,

incidentally, home schools her own children) isn't backing

down from her claim that Barack Obama is plotting with

terrorists to attack the U.S. And you thought Witch Hazel

was an astringent that came only in a bottle!

Buck Burnette Has Longhorns Sawed Off for

Inviting Hunters to White House Out of Season

Besides looking all wrinkly and scowly, what

is Zell Miller, Joe Lieberman's mentor in 'stab

in the back politics', doing these days?

China Makes Bold Move to Steal Media Attention

Away from Sarah Palin