Angry Newt Heads for New Hampshire

Feud Erupts Among Ugly Scientologists

Although the endorsement was for Mitt Romney, the

focus (as always) was on John McCain.

With the price of Starbuck's going up, Ray Lengend's

career as the 'Frappucino Firebomber' was cut short.

"Yeah, she says her date stood her up and that she's

donating her shirt to the Salvation Army."

The Gray Lady Speaks

Oxymorons for Our Time #117

Preventive War

"Ron Paul, you're disgusting!"

"You should talk, Frothy!"

"Fly faster or Secretary Panetta will catch us

and slash our budget!"

Living as we do in an extremely cynical age and

 being predisposed as we are to believe the worst

about people, it's easy to understand why

negative campaign ads work.

Good Hawkeye

Bad Hawkeye

Gingrich Pot Calls Romney Kettle a Liar

'South Carolina Man Packed Loaded Machine Gun

 in NYC Subway', the headline read. "He was

just exercising his Second Amendment right

to keep and bear arms," said the NRA. 

You might become an arsonist, too, if people started calling

 you 'Meat Loaf Seagal'.

"Goddam Taliban!  They throw their bubblegum down

just anywhere!"

"Are you saying, soldier, that you really didn't

understand what the War on Drugs was all about

until you started smoking pot on a daily basis?"

"I don't care what you say, this gun isn't big enough! 

I need a bigger gun!"

"So sorry, Norteamericano, but it's time to feed you some

more propaganda."

"The Tapeworm Diet works for me.  It can work for you, too."

"Thank you, Supreme Court, for Citizens United.  Where

would Newt and I be without it?"

"Can you believe I lifted this sucker from Spencer's

 Gifts and nobody was the wiser?"

Not only had Mark Block's fifteen minutes of fame run out,

but he had also been forbidden to sing 'Coney Island Baby'

in the presence of mixed company.

"I'm so thankful," he thought, "for the Second

Amendment and the NRA!"

Leave it to the French to name one of its nuclear submarines

 in honor of Sarko the Giant, namely,  Le Pénis Terrible.

Centuries before the invention of the airplane,

the Chinese knew how to fly.

"Good goshamighty, no one since Ronald Reagan has had

such capacious balls!"

Dinosaur Escapes from Ark Encounter; After Five-Year

Journey, Finds Its Way Back to Jurassic Park

The Politico Illustrated #18

'Candidates scramble in Iowa'

Remember those days, not long past, when Glenn Beck's

soul regularly irrigated his countenance?

Unlike other small towns in Arkansas where it occasionally

rains cats and dogs, in Beebe it rains blackbirds.

When, on electon night, her face appeared on a waffle, Iowa

 voters remembered Michele Bachmann's prediction: "I

think Tuesday night people are going to see a miracle."

Iran Produces First Nuke Nimrod

Santorum Wins 'Murdoch Primary'

"Honey, I want to make a baby."

"Baby, I'd rather make honey."

Ron Paul Wooing Evangelicals in Iowa

"I understand, President Washington, that you have

reached the conclusion it would be unwise to ever admit

Iowa, the 'American Heartland', into the Union."

"Yes, I strongly believe that to admit Iowa into the

 Union would be to establish an apostate and unnatural

connection with Romneyites, Paulites, Santorumites,

Gingrichites, Perryites, and Bachmannites. Such a

connection would be intrinsically precarious and

would entangle our peace and prosperity in the

 toils of the Spirit of Party and the disorders

and miseries of Religious Faction."

"Did you hear about the 'SS'?"

"You mean the Schutzstaffel?"

"No, silly, the 'Santorum Surge'!"

And Now for Something Completely Different:

Newt Gingrich, Amateur Paleontologist

Quartet for the End of Time

The final Des Moines Register poll indicates that 15% of Iowa

Republicans like the way Rick 'The Tortoise' Santorum

shows his teeth.

Ron Paul Sez:  “The dye has been cast. This is what

I’ve worked my whole career to warn people about."

Army Redesigns Beef Jerky in Effort to Make

It More Appetizing

World's Worst Yobs #234

Doug Schoen

Baby New Year Sez:  "Paultards Drool!"

Mitt Romney's New Hat

"What do we have here? 'There has never been a more

ineptly orchestrated, just unbelievably subpar campaign

for President of the United States than this one.'

Boy howdy, who said that?"

"So, my DNA proves that I was innocent,

eh?  Well, it would have been nicer if

you could have made that discovery

a wee bit sooner, don't you think?"

GOP Bumpersticker (Proposed)

Pardon My French