Senator Cotton's favorite breakfast is

Eggs Benedict Arnold.

In Big Sandy, Montana, you don't bring a knife to a

knifefight; you bring a chainsaw.

On Twitter, Larry King likes to say, "Sacre Bleu,  I'm

still alive!"

Breaking News Mashups #12

'Disgraced Cardinal Cleared to Fly'

General Betrayus looks better in fatigues.

He now better understood what being 'heterodox' meant.

'Netanyahu Backpedals on Two-State Comments', the 

headline read.  He had learned how to backpedal

as a child.

"When you come to Israel for my victory celebration, Mr. 

Speaker, shedding tears of joy will be very appropriate."

Andrea Tantaros Opens Mouth, Reveals Secret Location 

of Batcave

The World According to Koch

Cluckbait

"Do we really want everybody eating wings?  I don’t think so!"

"What's that?"

"It's a Thermomix.  It's like a KFC Famous Bowl,

but you can't eat it."

Truth in Advertising #7

Donald Trump Displays Latest Advance in Oral Hygiene

 Technology: Truth in Advertising Implants

Frankencroc, the Carolina Butcher, ruled North Carolina

 231 million years ago much like Senators Richard Burr

 and Thom Tillis do today.

A new study suggests if you were breastfed, 

you'll end up earning more and have a 

higher IQ.

When the election is held to replace Aaron

Schock in Congress, will candidates have

to be fans of Downton Abbey?

At 75, David Koch's only worry was that he might die 

before realizing his full potential as a heartless bastard.

Ugly Ink Makes Supremely White Ryan

 Giroux Go on Arizona Shooting Rampage

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #617

Michele Fiore

World's Worst Yobs #325

Matthew Hennessey

San Francisco Catholic Church

 Installs Watering System 

to Ward Off Homeless

"I’ve made my decision – I’m out. I’m out of the Republican 

Party. I am not a Republican; I will not give a dime to the 

Republican Party. I’m out. I highly recommend – run from 

the Republican Party. They are not good.  They are not 

nearly crazy enough to suit me."

"Home, Jameson!  I've always wanted to say that."

"Shrug, shrug, shrug

They call me the Shrugger."

After his rather precipitous fall

from grace, Aaron Schock should

consider changing his surname 

to Schlock.

Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #68

Bo Watson

Jason Riley Sez:"History shows that faster black progress 

was occurring at a time when whites were still lynching 

blacks, not merely singing about it."

[Those 4,000 some odd blacks lynched between 1877

and 1950 might disagree.]

Way Down Yonder in the Land of Cotton

James Knowles III Sez: "Being mayor of Ferguson, Missouri 

is a part-time job because I have a part-time brain."

Scott Walker Makes Liz Mair Magically Disappear into

Puff of Smoke

"Men are simple creatures.  Take me, for instance.  I'm so 

simple the people of Dardanelle, Arkansas elected me 

'Village Idiot' by acclamation three years in a row."

Trey Gowdy, Interstellar Man of Mystery, with His

Sunglasses On

With His Sunglasses Off

Does your rooster need burnishing?

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #108

Racing Stripes 2:  Arkansas Justice

Brain-Damaged Missourians Execute

Brain-Damaged Inmate

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #616

Peter Kinder

Day Mair or Night Mair?  Either way, she is Scott

Walker's bad dream.

Will Aaron Schock play in Peoria?  Not any more.

Shell-Shocked Schock Resigning from Congress, 

Downton Abbey Lowers Illinois State Flag to

Half-Staff

The Potrzebie Prize #27

Nancy Reagan Praises Scott Walker for Producing

True Statements I Have Made in My Life,

the World's Shortest List

Darren Wilson Feted for Almost Single-Handedly

Dismantling the City Government of Ferguson,

Missouri

Warm Scuzzies #541

Caleb Moore

Kermit says it's easy being green on

St. Patrick's Day.

When he opened his eyes, he realized he had died and 

gone to NRA Heaven.

"The whole world is on fire!" Ted Cruz bellowed.  

And this time, he wasn't exaggerating.

"Yes, Julie, your world is on fire and I'm the hoser

who can put it out!"

As Tertullian said, Credo quia absurdum est

(I believe because it is absurd), and as Nietzsche

added, Credo quia absurdum sum (I believe

because I am absurd).

Senator Cruz Explains How a $50,000 Campaign Donation

Is the Same as a Yard Sign