When you go in for your quarterly dental

prophylaxis, don't forget there's a good

reason why hygienists nowadays always

wear gloves.

Jonah Goldberg Cites Rise of NeoNazi Gnomes

as Further Evidence of Liberal Fascism

On the lecture circuit, Ben Shapiro is knocking
his audiences dead with his timely talk, 'Will
We Allow Meghan McCain's Barely Clad
 Big Bust Make Suckers of Us All?"

Betsy McCaughey Searching Her Paper Copy of Google

As a general rule, we don't like to see artists starve.
But as is true of most rules, there are exceptions.

I Dream of Sealy Posturepedic

Membership in the Absolutely Right Political Party had
dwindled down to two. And each of these had begun to
harbor doubts about the ideological purity of the other.
So it was growing increasingly likely that there would
have to be one more purge.

Glastonbury Reveller Apparently Unconcerned
Crocs Manufacturer Lost $185 Million and Laid
Off 32% of Its Workforce

You can always measure the effectiveness of a bold
act by the number of concern trolls it arouses.

In 1957, Chairman Mao said, "Conditions are changing
all the time, and to adapt one's thinking to the new
conditions, one must study." If you want to have a
future in public life and don't desire to become
a target of Fox News, never quote these words
(as Fearguth just has)!

Finally, a war we can believe in!

Good Tapper

Bad Tapper

When the Chairman of the American Conservative Union
says to you, "I’m not going to hit you, but I’d like to. …
You’re a jerk. … You’re a scumbag. … You’re an asshole."
--- you must be John Ziegler.

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #40

No Strollers on Escalator

"I'd really like to show you my gun, but that would
be against the law, so I'll just show you my pistol."

"So what if only 20% of the American people say they are

Republicans! I look at it this way. Even though I have less

than 20% of the hair left on top of my head, that doesn't

mean I'm bald. It just means there's plenty of room to
build a big tent up there."

Yum's Earnings Dragged Down Largely by

Cillizza Hut's 13 Percent Drop in Sales and

One-Time Charge Related to Collapse of

Mouthpiece Theater

Rudy Giuliani Buys Scratch-Off Lottery Ticket,

Wins Season Pass to Bernie Kerik's Jail Cell

Carrie Prejean's Stunt Breasts Face Uncertain Future;

"Foreclosure a Definite Possibility," Some Analysts Say

"I shit you not, Senator! On a good day at AIG, we could
land suckers THIS. FUCKING. BIG. as fast as we could bait
our hooks with Credit Default Swaps."

"I'm ridin' a small tiny hoss

(His name is MIGHTY LITTLE)

He's a good hoss

Even though he's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or

Blanket on anyway."

"What do you do way down there in Mississippi,

Congressman Harper?"

"I hunt liberal, tree-hugging Democrats, although it does

seem like a waste of good ammunition. I probably should

just lynch 'em, like my Daddy--and his Daddy--did."

Imagine a mountain which is just a pile of molehills.

That's Bill Bennett.

May Be Too Intense for Some Viewers

Elizabeth Dole Hasn't Slowed Down Since Leaving Senate

Warm Scuzzies #26

Steve Buyer

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #39

For the life of him, Senator DeMint couldn't

keep his eyes off our nation's pennies.

Color may vary due to

unnatural ingredients.

The Scum Also Rises

While showering, Christopher Hitchens likes to sing

'Bomb Bomb Bomb, Bomb Bomb Iran' in between smokes.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #101

Stewart Rhodes

David Vitter-Keith Bardwell Nuptials Delayed

Until Louisiana Marriage Laws Clarified

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #38

How much would you pay for

the Vivienne Westwood look?

"Yeah, Johnny, I'm very excited by the government's

more lenient policy regarding the cultivation and use

of tanna leaves."

Warm Scuzzies #25

Marcus Brauchli

When asked why almost 100% of the French people are

'unAmerican', Sarko the Giant replied, "For the same

reason that almost 100% of the American people

are 'unFrench'."

Warm Scuzzies #24

Dennis J. Manning

"The White House is getting very arrogant and slippery

in its dealings with people, and if you dare to oppose

them, they're going to come hard at you and they're going

to cut your legs off," says well-known double amputee.

Of the 112 possible causes of Liz Cheney's dilated pupils,

doctors have only ruled out anchovy poisoning so far.

"What's that?"

"Oh, it's just another one of those colossal

Goldman Sachs Vampire Squids."

New Line of Calvin Klein Jeans Features Padded Crotches;

"It's Like Falsies for Men," Observers Say

Rightbloggers and Other

Internet Biohazards #15

The Anchoress

Bad Spellers of the World, UNTIE! #37

All-Natural, Extension-Free,

No Artificial Ingredients,

100% Organic Beard

"Uh-oh, here comes the Grim Reaper!"

"Ack-ack-ack, let's play Missionary!"