Warm Scuzzies #724

Joey Hensley

Jason Miller, Trump Campaign Adviser, Defects to CNN,

Enemy of the American People

"Looks to me like the CIA has hacked your TV."

Rather than buying a new Chaffetzphone, maybe you 

should spend that money on your own health care.

How Obama Behaves When He Is 'Reportedly'

'Furious' and 'Livid' about Wiretapping Accusations

Holy Phone Bugging, Batman!

"Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me,

Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee,

Sounds of the rude world heard in the day,

Lulled by the moonlight have all passed away!"

GOP Health Care Plan 'American',

But Not 'Affordable'

"The Ranters were one of a number of nonconformist 

dissenting groups that emerged around the time of the 

English Commonwealth (1649–1660)."

John Ziegler Sez: "Mark Levin, Rush Limbaugh, Sean 

Hannity, Ann Coulter, Matt Drudge, and Fox News are 

now all card-carrying members of the state-run media."

Melissa McCarthy Hires Sean Spicer to Write Her

Sketches for Saturday Night Live

Even Jeff Sessions' eyes lie.

Trump Tweets, Statue of Liberty Suddenly Goes Dark

'Crooked Hillary' Photobombs Donald Trump

During White House Tour

'WikiLeaks posts trove of CIA documents', the headline reads. 

Why do we never see 'Wikileaks posts trove of FSB documents'?

"The Republican healthcare plan has come under fire from 

major conservative activist groups who feel it doesn't go far 

enough in fully repealing Obamacare and extirpating 

poor people."

Dan Smoot wrote the book on the 'Deep 

State' way back in 1962.  Although it 

was called 'The Invisible Government'

 55 years ago, it was the same 

conspiracy.  It never changes.

When you hear conspiracists use the ominous-sounding 

phrase, 'Deep State', don't worry: that's just code for

 'SpongeBob Squarepants'.

Steve King is looking extra cranky these days. He 

believes the 'Deep State' is out to get him and all

the other Trumpniks.

Here we are, 46 days into the Age of Trumpery, and 

Obamacare is still in place, ISIS is still in the Middle 

East, and the impenetrable wall still hasn't been built. 

How much more suspense can America take?

The poor have to choose between health care and 

smartphones. Utahns have a harder choice---between 

Jason Chaffetz and two goats.

Tantalus Goes for the GOPercare

"I will now demonstrate TSA's new pat-down technique."

"Captain, it would appear the GOP's Obamacare

 replacement plan is a real dog."

"Logical as always, Mr. Spock."

Bedrock Man Believed to Be Paleoanthropological Hoax

What Trump doesn't know is that when

Obama was tapping his phone, Putin was

tapping Obama tapping him.

Trump is now claiming that the moon is made

 of green cheese.  But this time is different:

he has proof.

The Day Monkeys Learned to Chant

Nose Stuffy? Baby Needs Dime-a-Tapp!

"'Give me your tired, your poor, your involuntary immigrants 

yearning to breathe free'. Ha-ha! That Ben Carson---he 

should do stand-up!"

The HUD Whisperer

In Trump's cosmology, Barack Obama is the 

First Cause, the Unmoved Mover, the Demiurge. If 

something happens, Obama, like the butler, did it.

The Urge to Purge

Sinkhole Near Quanah, Texas Designated

'Trump National Monument'

'Repeal and Replace' Slogan to Be Somewhat 

Repealed and Kind of Replaced

Joe Barton Sez: "Is it my fault my town halls will be held 

in Milford and Frost, two metropolises nobody's ever 

heard of?"

In Ben Carson's history book,  the ancestors of today's

African-Americans immigrated to America aboard

Transatlantic Cruise Lines.

Trump appoints Rex Tillerson to be Secretary of State, 

then cuts the State Department budget by one-third.  

Trump must hate ExxonMobil, too.

"Whaddya mean I've gone to seed?"

Trump Held Hostage, Day 45

When we were kids, Saturday morning was reserved for 

cartoon shows on TV.  Now it's for Trump's tweetstorms

 on Twitter.

Sharing of Nude Photos of Female Marines

 Prompts Cthulhu Investigation

Knives Are Out for Priebus; See It Live on

Cutlery Corner Network

The Politico Illustrated #53

'Knives are out for Reince'

"I understand, Mr. Stone, that you have the best four-

letter words, even better than Donald Trump's."

"We see the red nose, Congressman Sensenbrenner, but

where's the greasepaint?"

Collateral Damage

Going Full Metal Trumpnik has Kurt Schlichter

smoking turds these days.

Tapped Out

Bald Eagle Quits Job as National Bird,

Replaced by Beaky Buzzard