“Yesterday, I heard Senator McCain say, ‘We are all Georgians now'.

Well, very nice, you know, very cheering for us to hear that, but OK,

it’s time to pass from this. From words to deeds. Hey, Mr. Bush,

what's so funny?"

It was no use. Even the Tandem Heimlich Maneuver

couldn't save some people from choking.

"Senator McCain would love to join you here by his pool, but

he's rather indisposed at the moment, having declared war on

Russia and stuff."

Okie from Muskogee

Cokie from Malebolge

Neville Chamberlain had been warned that Adolf Hitler

would be just like Saddam Hussein, Mahmoud
Ahmadinejad, Yasser Arafat, Hugo Chavez, Gamel
Abdel Nasser, Slobodan Milosevic, Kim Il-Sung,
and Vladimir Putin. But he dismissed the analogy
as ahistorical and appeased Hitler anyway,
just for the hell of it.

Stand-Up Comics Tame Crawford Lions

Official Cap of Twittering Twits Who Tweet

Flag Desecration #11

Things Older Than John McCain #9

Pyramids

"Keep the change, Papa John!

It's the change you deserve!"

"Mama, tell me again why Jehovah God put us, the disciples

of Menno Simon, an Anabaptist from the Netherlands, into

the Bolivian jungle. It always seems to make more sense

when you tell the story."

Even a Welsh bog snorkeler can see through asynchronic

neocon analogies, such as, 'Every day is Munich' and 'Every

ruler is Hitler'.

Israeli Excavation Shows Jews, Pagans in Harmony;

"Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys Evidently Very

Popular with Second-Century Romans," Archaeologist Says

"If you wish to speak to the Prime Minister, you must

first remove that Zippy the Pinhead muu-muu. And

don't even think of asking, 'Is Georgia having fun yet?'!"

Drudgery Report #6

Placating Hillary dead-enders would be drudgery.

Drudge Report Funnies #17
"Rise of the Human Dolphin..."

"My Depends® are leaking again."

His ass slowly turning to ice, Pablito daydreamed about

his balmy days as a pup in the Chihuahuan Desert.

McCain Hall of Frames

President Bush Declared Record 422 Major Disasters

(Not Including His Own Administration)

Flouting Ethics Advisory, Senator Tom Coburn (R-OK) Will

Continue Delivering Beanie Babies; Capitol Hill Reportedly

Overrun by Cutesy Collectibles

Scientists Closer to Developing Invisibility Cloak;

Some Observers Foresee New Era in Flashing

Although it was not widely known at the time,

Phineas T. Bluster was the original Godfather

of the Neoconservative Crime Family.

Have you decided what gift to present to John McCain

on August 29, 2008, his 72nd birthday?

If Barack Obama is 'exotic' because he was born in Hawaii,

one of the United States of America,

what do you call John McCain,

who was born in Panama,

a foreign country?

'Esoteric'?

Dalai Lama Discovers Effective Countermeasure to Bouts

of Spitting, Is Hailed by Camelid Owners Worldwide

"You were lucky! I was kidnapped by the CIA, flown

to Gitmo, tortured until I confessed I was Johnny

Depp, and convicted by a secret military tribunal

on charges that I had been a willing co-conspirator

in making three crappy pirate movies. Tell me: did

I, Abizullah, a humble balloon-man from Kabul,

deserve such a cruel fate?"

"John says Machiavelli once took a nap on this couch. Can

you believe it? Next thing you know, he'll be dragging it to

the Antiques Road Show for an appraisal!"

"Is that Russia invading Georgia, Pootie-Poot, or am I still

hallucinating after bouncing a quarter off Misty May's ass?"

Just when Nicole finally understood the logic of Aquinas'

distinctions between Potency and Act, Substance and Accident,

Matter and Form, Permanence and Change, and Essence

and Existence, this had to happen.

After Nikolett perfected her signature Hydro-Schnozz

Propulsion Technique^TM, there wasn't a swimmer in

the world who could keep up with her.

World's Worst Yobs #44

Jerome Corsi

Q: Why did God create law professors

like Glenn Reynolds?

A: Because He needed someone to explain lawyer

jokes to other lawyers in a language only they

could understand.

"Mickey said we would rendezvous promptly at sunset for a

little meetin' and bleatin'. You don't suppose he's blowing

us off again, do you?"

Having won 63% of the recall vote, Bolivian President Evo Morales

politely and elegantly gave the bird to his conservative opponents.

Things Older Than John McCain #8

David Broder

Ralph Reed, the Right Hand of God and the Left Hand of Jack

Abramoff, to Hold Two-Fisted Fundraiser for John McCain

Alabama Bricklayers Invade Georgia, Plan to Build Wall of

Separation Between Jimmy Carter and True Christianity

"Good Lord! I just realized πόλις is the root of 'polís', 'police',

'policy', 'politics', 'politician', and 'The Politico'. Those archaic

Greeks sure knew how to take revenge on the future, didn't they?"

If the Duchess of Cornwall cracked one more joke about his

pinky ring, the Prince of Wales was going to give her a right

proper caning. The mere thought of it made the more than

forty sphincters in his royal body tighten.

Things Older Than John McCain #7

La Brea Tar Pits

The Touch of the Master's Hand

"So this is 'Election Central'," Kanye mused.

"I always thought it would be different."

There was nothing funny about this puck. This was the dreaded

Puck of Doom, and it had Marty's name written all over it.

"Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!"

After years of searching, Micah finally found The Comfort Zone.

"Russia's attack on Georgia is disproportionate . . . Oof!"

Sweaty Galoot Goes for Beach Babe's Glutes