Man Claims to Be Further to the Right Than Rick Perry,

But Nobody Believes Him

"It all depends on how out of shape your human prey is

 and how fast he can run ."

"Believe me, Rick Perry is a leftist mole, a crypto-liberal,

a one-man sleeper cell, a terror baby from the 1950s!"

"Whaddya mean 'Go slow, dear'? 

That's the only way I can go!"

"Just between you and me, Marge, she looks just like that

crazy lady on the cover of Newsweek magazine."

Representative Tom Graves (R-GA), a member of the Tea

Party Caucus, sez:  "I would not do business with any bank

 that would lend someone like me $2 million."

"Corporations are people, my friend, just like I am!" said

Mittco, a subsidiary of Romney, Inc.

A more perfect justice would be for Mark Ciavarella to

spend the next 28 years locked up in one of the juvenile

detention centers he took bribes to help fill.

Insane Palin Posse to Take Bus to Iowa

Hooker's Drawers Currently Down Around Ankles

Good Things Flow from American Oil

79% of Americans Dissatisfied with U.S. Political System, But

Are Too Busy Complaining About It to Do Anything to Change It

Jon Bruning, Nebraska Attorney-General, Regrets Making

'Inartful' Statements, Such as, "If We Don't Incent Them to

Work, Coons Are Gonna Take the Easy Route"

Bronco Dumps Rider, Refuses to Take Part in

'Horsemaning', the New Facebook Craze

Polygamy Cult Erects

Warren Jeffs Memorial

Warm Scuzzies #209

Gooseberry Natural Resources LLC

Eye-Licking Central Feature of Male Gecko Mating Ritual

Koch Brothers 'Running on Empty' Tour Running on Empty

The Unexpurgated Bible #60

And at the marriage feast in Cana, Rick Santorum said

unto Jesus: “It’s like saying this waterpot of water is a

waterpot of wine. Well, you can call it a waterpot of wine,

but it’s not a waterpot of wine. It’s a waterpot of water.

And water is what water is. Marriage is what marriage is."

Rangers Fans Oppose Texas Heat Wave

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #326

Jon Bruning

"Do you have any idea, young lady, why it is always either

 'dozens' or 'scores' who are killed or injured in any given

disturbance or disaster?"

"I'm not sure, but to be on the safe side, I would avoid

hanging out in groups divisible by 12 or 20."

"No matter what some agency may say about our credit, we

always have been and always will be a Triple A country."

[It was inevitable that product placement ads would

start appearing in President Obama's remarks.]

"Congratulations, Grandma Palin!  You now have one

grandchild conceived out of wedlock and one grandchild

born out of wedlock."

How fitting it is that Oklahoma, the state which blessed

us with Senator James Inhofe and Senator Tom Coburn

(famous climate change deniers), has just enjoyed the

nation's highest monthly average temperature

(89.1 degrees) ever.  Swelter, suckers, swelter!

The mysterious substance that washed up on Alaska's

shores has been identified as Orange Glo eggs.

Pink-Pistol Packin' Prick Plugs Penis

The Dow-Jones Industrial Average has dropped

 2,000 points since May 2, 2011.  Has there ever

been a better reason for the USA to invade

another country?

Rick Perry to Announce Presidential Intentions in South

 Carolina by Attacking Fort Sumter National Monument

"Somebody said I, Buddy Garrity, am a dead ringer for Marcus

Bachmann.  Now that's what I call a personal foul, a

really low blow!"

“I know everything is on the record these days, but please

don’t broadcast images of me in my casual clothes.”

Man Has Face on His Egg

Old 'Cain Doctrine': “You mess with Israel, you are

 messing with the United States of America!”

New 'Cain Doctrine': "Never apologize to Muslims!"

The Queen of Rage and the Raging Queen

England's Austerity Fest Getting Out of Hand

"Mr. Phillips, you look bilious.  Have you ever tried

Carter's Little Liver Pills?"

"The Newsweek cover shoots are so stressful

 and so intense, Michele carries and takes all

sorts of pills. Prevention pills. Pills during

the shoot. Pills after the shoot. Actually,

Michele has to take these pills wherever

she goes."

Bull Trying to Escape from Wall Street Testicle Festival

It's fair to ask:  what's the difference between Josh Treviño

and Anders Behring Breivik?  The difference is this:

Anders Behring Breivik doesn't just talk the talk.

Michele Bachmann Receives 100 Endorsements

from Leaders of Iowa Shoegazers

"I will tell you ladies and gentlemen, I detest and despise

everything the left stands for. How anybody can endorse

and embrace an ideology that has killed a billion people

in the last century, yet spared us,  is beyond me."

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #325

Vince Schmuki

In the 112th Congress, there are 202 lawyers. That's about

38% of the 100 Senators and 435 Representatives. Were

 these proportionally represented in the population as a

whole, there'd be 114,000,000 lawyers in the U. S. today!

Thank God, there are only about one million lawyers

in this country today, which is still way too many.

Those seats at Reliant Stadium yesterday weren't really

empty.  They were occupied by the Choir Invisible.

The lines were long at Governor Perry's Day of Prayer

and Fastfooding.  The most popular menu items were

Prince of Peace Hamburgers, Born-Again Tejas Nachos,

and Oh Heavenly Hot Dogs.

Warm Scuzzies #208

Jean Schmidt

S&P Downgrades Tea Party from 31% to 18%

How to Know When You've Hit .08%

Texas Governor Attempting to Surpass Guinness World

 Record for Longest Prayer

Mascot for The Fox Nation