"Halloween isn't until October 31, Sharron,

so you can take the mask off."

Nearly-Naughty British Wit

Smoking Gun

"Jeffrey Goldberg is a rigorous reporter who writes

beautifully and is fiercely honest, just like me."

"Sure, I suck," the baby said. "Didn't everybody?"

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #182

Kenneth W. Royce

"Yes, doctor, it's when Michele started talking

in her sleep about the U. S. withdrawing from

the global economy that I realized she needed

professional help."

Big Mouth Burger

Gaping Maw Burger

If your boss tells you that he sees the 'big picture'

and you don't, it's because he's in it and you're not.

Oxymorons for Our Time #44

Reputable Journalist

World's Worst Yoobs #75

Lara Logan

Boehner's Ant Goes on Rampage, Destroys 8 Million Jobs

and $17 Trillion in Retirement Savings and Net Worth

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #181

Pamela Gordon

World's Worst Yobs #172

John McCormack

Reporters Caught Mocking Sarah Palin Mocking Herself

There the teabagger stood, holding in her right

hand her greatest enemy: the microphone.

Rightbloggers and Other

Internet Biohazards #56

In My Arrogant Opinion

Rand Paul showed up at the Christian Homeschool

Educators of Tralfamadore Conference on Friday.

Asked how far he thought he was from Earth, he

replied, "I'm going to pass on that question."

Need to mask the smell of beef, chicken, fish, or mutton

on your breath after a wild night on the town? Well,

it's time you tried Uncle Oinker's Bacon Mints!

"I'm pretty sure our OnStar system got knocked out

by that IED, so I guess we need to call Triple A."

Apparently, in this day and age, every good boy doesn't just

deserve favour. He also deserves a 120mm L6 Wombat

Recoilless Rifle.

Sure he was young, but not too young

to dream of the day he might become

the Presidential Seal.

Start splitting hares and the next thing you know,

you'll have a real fight on your hands.

"Damn! Now that's what I call a hand job!"

Unlike Robert Byrd, his nonagenarian predecessor,

Daniel Inouye, the new President Pro Tempore of

the Senate, is only an octagenarian.

"Put a little on my nose

Put a little on my toe

Put it on my back and my sacroiliac

And a dab on my chinny-chin-chin.
Rub it in, rub it in."

The Unexpurgated Bible #39

And God said, "Let there be Lite": and there was Lite.

And God saw the Lite, that it was good: but He couldn't

decide whether it tasted great or was less filling.

It's been three days since Dave Weigel resigned

from the Washington Post, and Matt Drudge still

hasn't set himself on fire. That's a damn shame!

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #57

Marcus Epstein and Christopher Hitchens

If Penn & Teller Were Goslings

Magical Depressionism #11

The G-20 summiteers fiddled around while

the world economy was burning.

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #56

Robert Stacy McCain, Hannah Giles, and James O'Keefe

World's Worst Yobs #171

Michael Walsh

"My teeth are unfluoridated, I drink only

rainwater, and my precious bodily fluids

are absolutely pure. Vote for me!"

You probably didn't notice, but Fearguth just

reached a new milestone: his 15,000th post.

After spending six years in the House of Representatives,

Louie Gohmert (R-TX) says he can now stay inside the lines

when he colors.

Polar Bear in Training to Become Area Rug

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #180

M. Stanton Evans

Even his fellow Palestinians referred to him as

the Eternal Optimist.

Warm Scuzzies #89

Mike Toomey

Zebra Finch: a Bird of a Different Feather

"It's like this. If we kill them in the name of our religion

or political ideology, we're 'Freedom Fighters'. But if they

kill us in the name of their religion or political ideology,

they're 'Terrorists'. Got that?"

"Omigod, I'm so full of shit I'm turning brown!"

Who is she trying to fool? Liz is not

standing, is she?

"All I did was misinform the American people

about Iraq's WMD and Saddam Hussein's links

to Al-Qaida. By contrast, Dave Weigel dissed

Matt Drudge in private email. Can you imagine

how hurt Matt's feelings were when those

emails came to light?"

About 4,000 people are expected to attend Sarah

Palin's speech Saturday night at the Oil Palace in

Tyler. Representative Louie Gohmert is scheduled

to lead the audience in singing the theme song from

the Beverly Hillbillies, and Governor Rick Perry will

recite his ode to petroleum jelly, 'Josephine, Don't

Forget the Vaseline!'.

"Tell me what you want me to say, and I'll say it.

I'll say whatever it takes!"

"You must have misheard what I said. I didn't say

I am opposed to gay marriage because of the 'Ick

Factor'. I said 'Hick Factor'."

Two-Minute Haters #10

Lou Ann Zelenik