Couch Potato

Coach Potato

How appropriate that Staten Island, New York

 City's Cop Land, is represented by Michael 

Grimm, a defiant felon.

Isn't using Uber a lot like hitchhiking, except the

hitchhiker is more at risk than the driver?

Alex Jones is on the case! Hat/shirt 

combo now on sale at Infowars.com 

for only $24.90!

Joe Arpaio Booted Off Monkey Island

Conspiracy Between Sony and North

Korea to Promote The Interview

Exposed

Of Mike Lee, it hath been truly said, "He's been a

 tremendous embarrassment to our family, to our 

state, to our country, to have him as a U.S. senator."

Man Suffering from St. Nicholas

Delusion Escapes from

Santatarium

Men, two drops of this will turn you into

this.  

On sale now for only $69.95!

Saying 'ExxonMobil Slammed with $2.3 million Fine 

for Fracking-Related Water Pollution' is like saying 

'Golfer Flicks Honeybee from Golf Ball with Tip of

#2 Golf Pencil'.

Nat King Coal Said to Have Strong Support among

Appalachian Populist Music Lovers

Eric Garner evades pocket change in cigarette taxes.

He's dead.

Michael Grimm pleads guilty to felony payroll tax

evasion.  He's alive---and defiant.

New Study Shows High Heels Really Do Have

Power over Men

'Probe Fails to Link IRS Scandal to White House' is a gift you 

will not find under Darrell Issa's Christmas tree this year.

All this prosperity under the Obama Administration

is really beginning to get Joe Scarborough down.

We now know who really 'occupies'

New York City.

Does Rudy Giuliani know his 'use by' date 

has expired?

Scientists have found that the coldest place in the universe

 is inside Dick Cheney's chest, where the temperature is 

458 degrees below zero.

In the market for a second-

hand vaginal wand?  If

so, contact Rep. Ruth

Samuelson (R-NC).

Dov Charney, former CEO of American Apparel, is sleeping

on a friend's couch and is down to his last $100,000.  Cue 

Creedence Clearwater Revival:

"Down on the corner, out in the street,

Charney and the poorboys are playin',

Bring a nickel, tap your feet."

After Botched Execution, Oklahoma to Try Again and 

Resume Botched Executions

Q:  Why was Twitter Invented?

A:  It was invented for Americans learning how to complete

 a grammatically-correct 140-character sentence.

It's true.  Sean Hannity in ALL CAPS

is much easier to read.

"And I'm stayin' alive, stayin' alive

Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive

Ah, ah, ah, ah, stayin' alive."

"Nice codpiece!"

"Beg pardon, sir, but you must be referring to my

thinkpiece."

"We must remember, comrades, that the Internet is not 

something that you just dump something on. It's not a 

big truck.  It's a series of tubes."

Representative Michael Grimm (R-NY) Pleads Guilty to 

Felony Count of Tax Evasion and Attempted 

Reporter-Tossing

"And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the 

winds blew, and beat upon that porringer; and it fell: 

and great was the fall of it."

Gosh, James Woods is now whiter than Megyn

Kelly's Jesus!

Kojak

Slojak

Doesn't Quin realize Rand's rug ties the whole room 

together?

The Unexpurgated Bible #108

"Many deceivers have gone out into the world, 

those who do not confess that Santa smokes 

Lucky Strike. Any such person is the deceiver 

and the Anticlaus!"

Dish Network Dumps Fox News, Forgets to Flush

This Just In:  'Mouse That Nests in Rand Paul's Hair 

Was Once Marco Rubio's Pet'

When will Tucker Carlson acknowledge that his photo

 session at Glamour Shots was a Christmas gift from 

Al Sharpton?

World's Worst Yobs #320

Dan Gainor

Are your kids burned out on Walt Disney World, Epcot, 

and Universal Studios?  Well, there's a new amusement 

park in town, and no trip to Orlando will be complete 

without a visit to Machine Gun America!

Warm Scuzzies #523

Ed Mullins

"It's a cop d'etat!"

"Don't you mean coup d'etat?

"No, in New York City right now,

it's a cop d'etat!"

Hooray for Horrywood!

"The Sony hack was warfare, I tell you, warfare!

And, God, how I love warfare!"

The Potrzebie Prize #25

Rudy Giuliani Applauded for Reaching His Goal of 

Becoming the Colostomy Bag of American Politics

Dan Piraro got his hair styled on the

Eighteenth Day of Zappadan.

Some spammer keeps sending Fearguth an email message 

with the subject line, 'Reverse Tinnitus'. Does this mean

 that if he has a ringing in his ears, he can reply and send 

it to the spammer?

One can easily imagine Patrick Lynch and the PBA 

following in lockstep behind The Man on the White Horse.

Kobe Kaige gave fur the cold shoulder on the

Seventeenth Day of Zappadan.

Warm Scuzzies #522

Patrick Lynch