"If Michael Vick should be

executed for killing dogs, Mr.

Carlson, what should be done

to the thousands of Animal

Control personnel across the

nation who euthanize dogs

on a daily basis?"

I Remember Dubya #45

Who can forget the day Michael Gerson and Karen Hughes

 realized there was no possible way to make Dubya sound

like Winston Churchill?

Ardent Exerciser Doubts Cannibal Cook

Can Melt Body Fat Faster Than She Can

After the Afro Came the Aryano

 Jim Bob & Michelle DNA Alliance Sets New Guinness World

Record for Number of Simultaneous Pledges of Allegiance

Sign Above the Entrance to Gunhugger Heaven

After 84 years, Elizabeth II, Queen of England,

had begun to hair over.

Texas Fossil Ralph Hall "Unconditional Champion of

Fossil Fuels”

Alton Brown Gets Ready to Explain the Physics

of Cannibal Cookery

Suddenly, he realized he had died and gone to Opera Hell.

Inspired by Gandhi's philosophy of non-violent resistance, the

Libertarian dared to perform a pedicure without a license.

“My dad Newt is much more serious than he

ever has been about running for President.

And I can tell that because we actually

worked out — just the two of us — for

 two hours recently. And I don’t think

 that’s happened since I had children.”

Did you notice how your Consumer Confidence

unexpectedly deteriorated in December?

In the absence of her Gadsden flag

wraparound, Rand Paul groupie Nena

Bartlett would, no doubt, be trod upon.

Liberal Neanderthals Cooked Their Veggies Just Like

Modern-Day Humans; Conservative Neanderthals Didn't,

Because They Hated Veggies and Ate Only Raw Meat

Ghastly Monsters and Blond Giants #96

Ed Morrissey and Kerry Picket

"Welcome to Disneyworld, Governor Christie!  So glad you

did the Republican thing and got the heck out of

blizzard-bound New Jersey!"

World's Worst Yoobs #83

Elaine Donnelly

DQ Blizzard Sales Plummet in Northeast

What Santa Brought Wayne LaPierre for Christmas

Road Rage in India Growing Along with Frustration in

 in Trying to Spell 'Thiruvananthapuram' Correctly

You need a license to drive.  Why not to vote? 

Because you can't exceed the speed limit, run

 a red light, and kill a pedestrian inside a

voting booth.

Fearguth's Hall of Wackos #255

Tim O'Hare

"Why, I think anything less than executing Julian Assange

would be un-Christian, if not positively anti-Baptist.”

"Well, Malia, let's give her the benefit of the doubt

and say that Sarah Palin only wants people to be

fat because she's bought a lot of stock in Jenny

Craig and Nutrisystem."

No White House Timetable for Closing Guantanamo or for

Making New Promises the President Can Break

Mitch McConnell's 'Chin Bumpit' Surgery Goes Badly

"I understand, Governor Barbour, that you fly in a Cessna

Citation because it is the only business jet powerful enough

to lift and transport you safely above the ground."

Rightbloggers and Other

Internet Biohazards #82

Pundit & Pundette

"When people outside of Texas hear the words,

'Rick Perry', they start thinking of having a

hemorrhoidectomy.  Is there any reason for

that, Governor?"

Young American Getting Ready for the 112th Congress

"Yes, your majesty, they're called 'Drums'."

"Jolly good!  You can rest assured that I and the Duchess

of Cornwall will take the news of this singular

invention back to all the peoples of Britannia."

Would someone please tell the lady in the

'Don't Mess with Texas Women' shirt

that if she has any hope of stopping

socialism, she'll need a bigger sign?

Code Pink, Pacifist No More

Dennis Prager Moderating the Debate Between a

Bottle of Snapple and a Can of Diet Coke

Little Known Fact #11

After achieving stardom in the role of Tuco in The Good, the

Bad, and the Ugly, Eli Wallach went on to become the Pope

 of the Coptic Orthodox Church in Egypt.

"Hey, Fearguth!  Why haven't you included me in your

World's Worst Jobs blog series?  Just because I wear

goggles, use a hook, and wear a cap doesn't mean my

job isn't shitty."

Paleoanthropologists estimate that our species, Homo Sapiens,

originated on the African continent about 200,000 years ago.

How our species managed to survive until tear gas was

invented during World War I remains an open question,

still hotly debated.

Candids of Sweaty Ménage à Quatre in the Vatican

Threatens to Blow Lid Off Massive Leotard Cover-Up

Chinese Traffic Cop Trainees Practicing

the 'He Went Thataway!' Maneuver

Maine Governor-Elect Paul LePage Hires His Best and

Brightest Daughter to Serve as Tea Party Hostess

for $41,000 a Year

"What is 'wasteful spending'?  It's government money

spent on you and yours and not on me and mine."

Tea Party Leader Pushes 'Repeal All Laws'

Constitutional Amendment

She Who Must Be Obeyed

Hugh Hefner Announces Engagement to

Great-Granddaughter

Q: How many Aggies does it take to install

the 'Texan of the Year'?

A:  Thirteen:  Rick Perry + the Twelve Members

       of the Dallas Morning News Editorial Board.

Magical Depressionism #17

Hiring Slowdown Stuns Unemployed Economists

Muscle Car Re-Runs Onto Lawn of Bush's Dallas Home;

Luke and Bo Arrested for Driving While Syndicated

Christmas was over.  It was finally safe to come out.

What will the corporate Einsteins at Procter & Gamble

think of next?  Tide Washing Machine Cleaner CLEANER?